Sunday, August 20, 2006

Snakes On A Plane

I made a mistake when I went to see "Snakes On A Plane". I arrived to the theater early. Thirty minutes early, to be exact. That means that I was inundated with lame celebrity quotes, courtesy of EOnline, for an entire thirty minutes. It hurt. The quote that topped the chart on the "cringe factor" was one by brainiac Christina Aguilera, who said, "I think it scares people when they see a woman who is comfortable with herself". I officially crown Christina A. "Diva of Profundity". Wow. Seriously, though, how incredibly dull is that? I have never, in all of my days on this earth, ever thought to myself, "gee, that girl seems comfortable with herself", and then proceeded to shiver with fright. Then there was J Lo's cerebral blurb, "Life is about two things, love and learning". Uh-huh. My life could be narrowed down to only concerning myself with love and learning if I made $20 million to play pretend in front of a camera. There were about a dozen other star quotes. They played them onscreen over, and over, and over again. When I realized I had them memorized, I vowed to never be early to a movie again.

Ok, then, on to the actual flick. I had fun with this movie. I didn't go into "Snakes On A Plane" expecting to see the picture of the year, and, surprise, I didn't. What I did see was a relentless action film that made me jump half a dozen times, made me laugh a little more, and made me tear up when all was well (ok, I lied about that last part). Samuel L. was cool, as always. My favorite character in this one, though, was the famous musician "Three G's", played by Flex Alexander. "Three G's" is a germophobe with a major ego, who is forced to sit in coach because FBI agents (Jackson and company) have taken over first class to transport a witness in a mob trial. If you don't have some degree of 'Snakeophobia' (the textbook term eludes me, and I'm too lazy at this point to look it up), then this movie won't have much of an effect on you. I do suffer from an intense fear of snakes, which is why I spent half of this flick squirming in my seat. The majority of the snakes were real, but many were cg, and it was bad cg. Think bad, like in The Mummy Returns, and you were forced to endure the cg depiction of the Scorpion King. "Snakes On A Plane" is as simple as the title, nothing fancy, but fun. Good stuff.


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