Monday, August 07, 2006

Breaking News: OJO Calls for Heat This Summer

That's right! You read it here first- OJO calls for heat the rest of this summer! Amazing isn't it? Now you won't have to watch your local news channel to know it is hot outside. You won't need to rush outside every morning to check the temperature forecast! If you want to know a little insider meteorological information, here goes: it's hot every summer! Say it ain't so, OJO! Every summer from June through August (and even into September), it's hot. I don't have to read the newspaper to tell me that. I don't even have to watch the news to know that if I'm going to be outside for an extended period of time in extreme temperatures I should drink more water than normal. Does that make me a genius, or the media asinine? While I would love to believe the former- well, you get it. I've been wondering why the media spends so much effort telling the masses that it's hot in the summer. Then it clicked. Effort is the key word. It takes absolutely zero effort on the part of a journalist to whip out a story about heat in the summer. Educators aren't the only ones that get to take a summer break.

Since I'm feeling a little like Nostradamus right now, let me make another prediction. This winter, get ready- it will snow. There will be several blizzards in several cities. People will be shoveling that snow, but don't take my word for it- there will be plenty of news coverage on that one too.

Now, let's jump back to the present (does that make any sense at all?). Of course we all know why the media beats us over the head with the heat news everyday- it's global warming. Fine, but the news isn't about global warming. It's about old lady Johnson that had a heat stroke because she forgot to drink water- even though every summer for the last 85 years it's been hot. I'm not going to get into the global warming debate because even the doom-and-gloomers still admit that the temperature has only risen one degree in the last one hundred years. I guess the media would have us believe this conversation one hundred years ago in JoeVille USA:

The day is July 25, 1906. Bob and Bill are talking in their yard. The temperature is ninety-seven degrees. Bob says, "Gee Bill, it sure does feel right nice out here, dudn't it?"
To which, Bill replies, "Mighty nice indeed, neighbor".

Now, fast forward to July 25, 2006. Bob III and Bill III are talking in their yard. The temperature is ninety-EIGHT degrees. Bob III says, "Can you believe this heat! It's unthinkable that it would be this hot in the middle of summer! I don't know if I can take it! Should I drink more water"?
To which Bill III replies, "This is absolutely unbearable heat! Al Gore got it right, again! First he invents the internet, then he's dead-on about global warming! As far as the water drinking, you should probably read the newspaper first".

This whole thing.


Blogger Joseph B. said...

Funny you should write this. I just finished writing an e-mail to a local radio station about this very thing. Here's the set-up... I listen to Coast to Coast every night while going to sleep. 570AM, KLIF, has news and weather every 5 and 35 minutes. The same guy, named Lane Ingram (what a fucked up name that is) does the news, then weather. His teasers before the commercial break between news and weather go something like this... "Any rain in the forecast?" or "Break in the heat on the way?"

I literally lay there and scream every night I hear this fucking teaser. A copy of my e-mail sent today reads like this:

To Whom It May Concern,

Regarding your radio station; I love your prgramming and listen to you on a consistent basis. I do have one suggestion for you though. On the overnight news, your announcer, Lane Ingram, continually places little teasers in front of the radio that consist of sayings such as "any rain on the way" or "will the heat continue.. tune in and find out". Please, for the love of God make him stop. This is not teasing for your listeners... it's simply tedious and insulting. Unless your station manager is a native of Antartica and just moved here, I'm guessing you professionals understand the pattern of weather in Texas in June, July, August and September. If not, please allow me to shed some light on this- 1) It's August in Texas, there will be no rain and 2) It's August in Texas and the heat will continue. Please, FOR THE LOVE OF ALMIGHTY GOD IN HEAVEN, discontinue these little slogans. Just say "KLIF weather is next" and end it. I imagine alot of late listeners will sleep easier."

Anyway.... I feel your hatred OJO...

8:46 PM  
Blogger Chris Allen Gaubatz said...

That's pretty funny. The sad thing is that those annoying little "teasers" are not unique to that station. Every station across America has some idiot parroting the same thing. Should we consider a walk on Washington? Or maybe an awareness marathon? It's something to consider.

5:31 AM  

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